The Dudes in Utah, Chapter 2: "Where do all the high school girls hang out around here?

I never liked the idea that airlines started serving pretzels in leiu of peanuts. So it wasnt much compensation when the ever-helpful stewardess offered cray and I two extra packs of pretzels. If she really liked us she'd quit charging 5 dollars for a shot of jack daniels. No matter, I think back to the great state of Utah.

Maybe it was Nic Coughlin or Chandler who told me that the number of women in Provo was almost disturbing--when considering that you have been sitting in the corner of fenians for most of your young adult life convincing yourself that the bartender is actually pretty good looking. It didnt take long before I was also convinced--girls walk down the street in the middle of the night in provo. It never fails, you will be sitting in your rental (the impala) at a stop light and five girls listening to Richard Marx with the window down and it snowing--only in Provo, right.

Its hard to Imagine, but despite the favorable guy to girl ratio in this city, we still had some trouble picking up women. So we did what every desparate group of twenty something dudes does when we cant get anybody to hang out with us. We spent a day in Provo University Mall. After a chicken sandwich and SWEET tea from Chickfila, we started the mission. I retrospect, it probably looked pretty freakish, 6 dudes who have suddenly been hit with the desire to shop at 1:30 in the afternoon on tuesday. But this was cant miss and spirits were high as we watched girl after girl pass by. And then the Buckster started not 5 minutes after lunch.

(Buckster voice) "I cant f****** believe that I am walking around this mall."
Me-"Buckster, this is why we rented two cars, so you can leave whenever you please"
(Buck)"its still (place gratutious expletive here) stupid."

After a while, I tended to agree. Most of these girls, even at 19 and twenty, were married, and well on their way to accomplishing their mormon woman objective--rearing about 6 blond-headed kids. I walked into a claires to talk to this one girl who said she couldnt go out with us on this particular night because she was going country western line dancing as a local provo "club" that didnt serve alcohol. I, again, wasnt ready for that TYPE of commitment, despite my known line-dancing prowess.

None of us had enough balls to talk to Mrs. Verizon Wireless--this girl makes Jennifer Gardner look like the sledgehammer--quite possibly the worst decision of my life. We left dejected, but stay tuned our week would soon take a turn for the better.