WitterOn

NBC's Heroes Leads Comeback for the Network

2006-12-30T00:58:00.000-05:00

No. I dont read the Neilson ratings. But judging on the recent success of Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy, I had to think ABC has had their way witht he other networks these past couple of years.

And with CSI and the NFL driving CBS, NBC coold ill-afford to leave law and order by its lonesome, though NBC's comedies are killer. see Earl and The Office. Still, Friends is long gone. I knew the network heads were looking for something to counter grey's success, so they birth Conviction in the spring--which I liked. It was sort of a grey's with prosecutorial lawyers. Of course, they ran it on friday nights and it was destined to fail. And it did.

But they came hard with their fall line-up. And I have really enjoyed Heroes and Friday Night Lights. They finally jumped back into televising the NFL which has been a huge success. Madden+Flex Schedules equals serious viewers. Even better, NBC.com is streaming all of the Heroes and Friday Night Light Episodes from the fall during the next couple of weeks. Check it out. And have a happy new year.

Day 1.75 of Spring Break Cont'd: Embarkation

2006-03-24T11:05:00.000-05:00

We had heard the warnings from previous carnival patrons:

"Embarkation is a long and difficult process. You start to feel like your at Six Flags with all the lines. Just be ready."

So for those of you still following at home, we did what any other dude faced with such a daunting task would have done--we got liquored up just beforehand.

What followed our alcohol comsumption was an insatiable desire to scream "hey girl" at every passing female between the ages of 14 (give or take) and 36. At the loading dock. In line. In stairwells. Every single one. And there were a lot of families, which meant that you were pissing off alot of dads in the process. Not that any of us cared, but we probably could have toned it down a little.

Lassiter thought it may be better if his compadres devised a plan so as to not tip off the innocent young women or there huge dad in the process of cat calling.

(1) IPODS ON- Everybody must put there Ipods on and do an abridged version of the dirty swivel so it looks like you are only interested in the next line Nate Dogg is about to sing, and not on the young lady who is coming back down the row to your left. Beboping to an Ipod is like talking on your cell phone as you enter a college football game...no security guard is going to be rude enough to break up your conversation just to see if you have a couple of pints of whiskey down your pants. By the same ticket, no dad is going to cold-cock you in the middle of the embarkation line for checking out his daughter...he wouldn't dare interrupt you as you enjoy eminem asking everyone to "shake that ass" for him.

(2) WE MUST GO STEALTH UNTIL WE GET ONTO BOAT- Secondly, the Hey Girl/YG code should probably be implemented, with a few variances. Once this boat ships off, our margin of error goes up considerably. Let us discuss the different levels of girls you hope to scope.

(A) HGWMG -the ideally spotted girl during embarkation. The "HEY GIRL, with more Girls." Because there is safety in numbers, as we all know. Its also a dead give away that they are on a spring break trip and want to party. So far, these sightings had been few and far between.
(B) HGWOD-A lesser desired spotting. The "HEY GIRL, with other dudes." But the team couldnt possibly be that down after catching one of these lovely ladies. Why, you ask? Because those dudes are not as cool as us, and they look like they might just be brothers. You gotta Keep the faith.
(C) HGWF- The least desirable, but certainly not a bad sighting at this point in the trip. The HEY GIRL with Family. We had seen alot of these girls thus far, which certainly didnt bode well for the week.

(END LASSITER DIRECTIONS FOR SUCCESSFUL EMBARKATION)

Still in good spirits despite a multitude of HGWF's, we obtained our sign and sail cards and walked up the ramp towards the hull of our ship. What better time to start a BCRB...but despite our jubilance a shadow of questions still loom.

Could it be just us and a thousand or so families? Is this a trap--did Chandler paln this trip seeking to get us each arrested for statutory rape? Where is the f'ing bathroom? Stay tuned, as all these questions, and a whole lot more, will soon be answered...

Can WitterOn Continue?

2006-02-10T16:20:00.000-05:00

It has been a long time since I've posted on my own blog. But I feel the need to breathe some life back into WitterOn. i doubt I'll post everyday, but I rarely keep a journal so this is a pretty good way to vent, think, etc.

Feel free to comment if you'd like, but this blog is really a way for me to archive my thoughts, and its pretty cool to go back and see what your feelings were about an event or situation that happened long ago.

I kind of feel like a blog is too self-serving--Like anyone cares what I think, but all though i struggle with that, I want to write something, so I will.

If there were a "Dude" Blog....

2005-06-15T10:53:00.000-05:00

Would people post? At the advice of snyder, I am thinking about creating one, and giving the password to create posts to everyone i deem a dude.

Who thinks this could work? Lays blog would continue, but those of us who cant blog daily could consolidate...

Suggestions?

"If that's moving up, then I'm moving out."

2005-05-16T00:17:00.000-05:00

Thew is gone. My stuff has been tucked away to storage, and I am living in my parents' house for the first time in three years--a pretty serious lifestyle hit, even if it is only for two weeks.

But there is a couple of life lessons to be learned here, kids. #1 Don't move in with someone who may be getting married in the near future and plans to live in the house you are currently occupying. #2 If you should find yourself in that unenviable position, don't wait till finals to begin calling realtors (P.S. when you find yourself answering the guy's "when do you want to move in" question with, "How bout tomorrow?" Yeah, thats usually not going to work out, either.").

But all is not lost. Lakeridge is the best neighborhood to jog around in all of clinton, and the food is a little better at home. And for those of you who are worried about the dudes not being able to congregate anymore--Thew and I will have a new place at the 1st of the month. Which means we can late night after Lay's wedding there. Hey Yo!

The Facebook goes Baptist!

2005-04-29T13:12:00.000-05:00

That's right, doubters. Thanks to the single handed hard work of yours truly--all those with a valid Miss College email may now become apart of the craze that is THE FACEBOOK.

Who will be my friend?

Just Another Reminder...

2005-04-25T14:47:00.000-05:00

of how old we all are.

My beautiful sister Emily will be graduating from high school in less than a month. She is pictured here corraling the family dog--the ancient, incomparable bear.

My sister will complain that this isnt a good photo--i think its funny since neither one of use seem to be able to keep our mouths closed for a picture. Great picture of Bear this is the most attentive he's looked in a decade.

Finals Loom; Futures Hang in the Balance

2005-04-25T14:07:00.000-05:00

For most everyone, a closed-book law school final would prove too stressful. In a final, a professor has free reign to ask anything about any concept that may or may not have been covered sometime during the semester and your are supposed to apply principles of law to the given factual representations set forth in a disastrously long hypothetical which makes this intentionally wordy sentence look like "see spot run."

The task becomes increasingly difficult when you have absolutely no idea what the professor is talking about. You begin to look back at those thursday nights at Cozumel or that 2:00 in the morning jaunt to the casinos, those hours of watching reruns of Head of the Class--in short, you begin to question the very things that made you the person you are today (just kidding, meddling parents).

Your flashbacks embody the sad, wasteful behavior that, at least in theory, should have left you once you graduated from college. Now you are supposed to act with a certain level of responsibility and restrain yourself from spending three hours checking out college girls at the healthplex, or playin ping pong uninvited at chucktarlos'.

In the back of your mind, you believe you've come back with a vengeance in the last couple of weeks leading up to the exam, that youve learned everything that was expected of you during the semester, that you may somehow pull an "A" out of this particular course.

But deep inside you know better, your intelligence is trumped by months of unprecedented laziness masquerading as "inattentiveness" in class, and "boredom" that leads you to putting away your casebooks while watching the news at home. Your GPA is a slow-motion train wreck, and its costing you thousands of dollars in future earnings.

Then you think back to skiing in Utah, the Coast Trip, shimmels, sunday night 3 dollar movies, bransen, running out of gas on the way to atlanta, super bowl parties, blogging disagreements, southpark/chappelle wednesday nights, softball tourneys, 80s bands @ left field lounge, the boom boom, valentines dinners, countless televised college bball games during the month of march, and mayors trophy losses capped off with too many hot wings.

Then you smile with no regrets, and begin to write.

Thanks for an awesome semester, everybody. May this summer be even better.

Law School Team Reaches MC Soccer Intramural Final.

2005-04-19T10:14:00.000-05:00

That's right. A bunch of Old Men (including myself) have torn through the undergrad tournament and will play in the finals tonight at 10:00 o'clock at MC. The intramural field is on the south side of the MC baseball and football fields--anybody who will come in support is welcome. The undergrad teams always have a great following--i told my teammates I have friends in the area (neglected to tell them all my friends are male)--they don't believe me.

Anyway, wish me luck. I hope to play like the great John Miller.

Rest in Peace, Sam.

2005-04-18T17:27:00.000-05:00

I have just found out that sam mills (aka, the field mouse)--the smallest all-pro linebacker in NFL history has lost his battle with intestinal cancer today. He died at the age of 45.

Sam was the heart and soul of late 80's and early 90's linebacking core known as the "dome patrol." They were so good, we were able to win with Vaughn Dunbar and Steve Walsh leading the Saints offense.

But while considering his heroics on the field, Sam was as hard working and dedicated to fatherhood and coaching off the field.

I remember meeting him in New Orleans when I was in high school--as genuinely nice as they come, signing autographs until his hand cramped. He truly was a light in what has been a dismally dark history for the saints franchise, and will be missed dearly by the Saints family.

Arrested Development: The Funniest Show on Television

2005-04-18T16:37:00.000-05:00

I dont quite remember how our viewing of Arrested Development began some 2 weeks ago, but Hunter, Thew, and myself have since watched every episode from the first season. It used to share Desperate Housewives timeslot, but now airs at 7:30 cst on Sunday evenings. But might I suggest that everyone rent the DVD's and enjoy the episodes in their entirety, and back to back. The writing is so fast, I can see where it might be seriously undermined by commercial interruptions, phone conversations, bathroom trips, etc.

Jason Bateman plays Michael Bluth, whose father has built low-quality manufactured homes in Iraq, and has since been arrested for fraud, treason, etc. Now Michael must run the family and the family business, both of which are as dysfunctional as they come.

All I ask is that you go rent part of the 1st season. It doesnt really matter which part you pick up, the writers do an incredible job of rehashing previous episodes and episodic character re-development. But chronology will help as you try to catch every joke. You can find out everything you wanna know about the show by clicking the link above.

Despite Late Heroics from the Buckster, The Dudes Fall 18-13 in softball opener.

2005-04-15T12:00:00.000-05:00

When you bring the dudes and some law school rats together a few things come to mind. Among them, lack of women,excessive boozing, and quite a few zealous rounds of heyooooo's. But only one of those trends held true last night--and Ill let you guess which one that was (it rhymes with yack of women).

There just wasnt a whole lot to heyoo about other than buckster's timely hitting and baserunning, and cray's fielding prowess. But the next game could be a whole different story...

Our jockeying for seeding continues tonight with another opening round matchup @ 5:00. The weather is nice, be sure to come and support.

Once seeding is established the double elimination round begins tonight @ 7:30. We will either play again at 7:30, 8:30, or 9:30. What it all boils down to is a night of beautiful weather, sec baseball on the radio, halter-tops, puppies, and mediocre softball. Dont miss it.

All are welcome, all are welcome.

MC INTRAMURAL SOFTBALL

2005-04-12T20:40:00.000-05:00

Eric Toney and yours truly have decided to join the undergrad's softball tourney--thurs. night, friday, and saturday.

Let me know if you have any affiliation (working out at the healthplex is good enough) with MC and are interested in playing...

JLASS

For you Naysayers about Jackson Women...

2005-04-12T16:01:00.000-05:00

you need only come up to Banner Hall on weekday afternoons.

Not only does Broad Street have great coffee and the whole building have wireless internet access, but the women that frequent this boutique called Fetish and Barnett's Salon might leave you with some questions:

Question #1: What the hell are all these women (and we are talking 50 a day, seriously) do on the weekends?

Answer: Probably make sweet, "barry white" love with their rich husbands.

Question #2: Ok. Well what about 30 minutes from now?

Answer: Going home to make love to Paolo, the hispanic american the rich husband is paying to clean the family pool.

Question #3: What about the girls with the JA uniforms on?

Answer: Come on, Lassiter.

No matter. I should be studying anyway. Evening, Bitches!

Joe Horn Plays In Miss. College School of Law Golf Tournament

2005-04-08T21:45:00.000-05:00

Though I am already in Branson, I have learned that Joe Horn played in the Mississippi College School of Law golf Tournament at Lake Caroline.

Also, State wins, Ole Miss loses--and I'm going to check out the best showchoir in the nation tomorrow--not a bad weekend thus far.

2005-04-06T15:12:00.000-05:00

Ah...Memories. You are beautiful, Josh Kyle.

The Dudes in Utah, Chapter 2: "Where do all the high school girls hang out around here?

2005-04-02T00:58:00.000-05:00

I never liked the idea that airlines started serving pretzels in leiu of peanuts. So it wasnt much compensation when the ever-helpful stewardess offered cray and I two extra packs of pretzels. If she really liked us she'd quit charging 5 dollars for a shot of jack daniels. No matter, I think back to the great state of Utah.

Maybe it was Nic Coughlin or Chandler who told me that the number of women in Provo was almost disturbing--when considering that you have been sitting in the corner of fenians for most of your young adult life convincing yourself that the bartender is actually pretty good looking. It didnt take long before I was also convinced--girls walk down the street in the middle of the night in provo. It never fails, you will be sitting in your rental (the impala) at a stop light and five girls listening to Richard Marx with the window down and it snowing--only in Provo, right.

Its hard to Imagine, but despite the favorable guy to girl ratio in this city, we still had some trouble picking up women. So we did what every desparate group of twenty something dudes does when we cant get anybody to hang out with us. We spent a day in Provo University Mall. After a chicken sandwich and SWEET tea from Chickfila, we started the mission. I retrospect, it probably looked pretty freakish, 6 dudes who have suddenly been hit with the desire to shop at 1:30 in the afternoon on tuesday. But this was cant miss and spirits were high as we watched girl after girl pass by. And then the Buckster started not 5 minutes after lunch.

(Buckster voice) "I cant f****** believe that I am walking around this mall."
Me-"Buckster, this is why we rented two cars, so you can leave whenever you please"
(Buck)"its still (place gratutious expletive here) stupid."

After a while, I tended to agree. Most of these girls, even at 19 and twenty, were married, and well on their way to accomplishing their mormon woman objective--rearing about 6 blond-headed kids. I walked into a claires to talk to this one girl who said she couldnt go out with us on this particular night because she was going country western line dancing as a local provo "club" that didnt serve alcohol. I, again, wasnt ready for that TYPE of commitment, despite my known line-dancing prowess.

None of us had enough balls to talk to Mrs. Verizon Wireless--this girl makes Jennifer Gardner look like the sledgehammer--quite possibly the worst decision of my life. We left dejected, but stay tuned our week would soon take a turn for the better.

BennyMac in Action

2005-04-01T23:50:00.000-05:00

Bennymac has taken it to another level over the past few weeks...I give you one pic from his various nights of debauchery.

The beauty of this picture is that I picked up the two guys who hooked up that night with one shot. Note Josh Kyle's smirk.

The Dudes in Utah, Chapter 1--"Daddy loves Jack and Diet"

2005-03-30T14:55:00.000-05:00

Chandler's voice echoed from row 16 of coach. The stewardess was now only partly amused. It had become a familiar and tired line when interjected for the fifth time in the past hour. Yes, he and thew, with much thanks to the altitude and a whiskey distillery deep in the heart of Tennessee, had become quite drunk. Not "sloppy, Lil' Lum on a football weekend in oxford" drunk, but drunk nonetheless.

I felt the need to catch up, but was engrossed by the other John Lassiter's (spelled Lassetter, but we'll forgive him) newest animated success, the Incredibles. Cray, as "airplane skinny" as I'd ever seen him, was jostling through his thousands of song on his I-pod, which I only assumed Chandler had purchased for him before we left for utah, probably to make amends for some spat they had over who used the last of the toothpaste weeks ago. I couldn't hear buck snoring from about ten rows back which was unusual. I instantaneously thought him to be dead.

"Might as well check on him, I have to go to the bathroom anyway," I thought.

So i did. And there Buckster was, not only alive, but conscious, and smiling. Chandler's plan had indeed backfired. Though his prearranged seating designation had successfully pushed the Buckster away from the four of us so that we could sleep should we want to--a plan that had worked to perfection on the way to Utah, buckster having not showered or slept the night before, had easily disturbed his seat partners so much that they opted to sit next to smelly old guys and screaming babies instead-- Buckster now was sitting by a beautiful, petite sorority girl from Montgomery.

I couldnt avoid his excited gaze, "LASSITER. Your shoes are G-A-Y." snickers from a handful of the Cabin followed, including the lovely broad anchoring the aisle seat to his right. He wasnt entirely wrong, as I was sporting my new checkered Vans, a forgotten 80's staple which Hunter and I are trying to bring back.

"Real funny, Buckster. Just dont eat your seat partner like you did on our connector flight." It was the best I could come back with--a bit harsh, but trust me, mild for some of the shit that was spewed on this trip.

I relieved myself and returned to my seat and began to get that feeling you get when you know you've been living a really cool life that has to come to an end. My trips are formulaic, they begin as good-intentioned dunkfests--making the most of every given opportunity, minimal sleeping, etc. But then you have regrets. That day you spent hitting on every girl in the Provo Mall, not going out to Salt Lake City on Tuesday Night. Even feeling like youd rather be at home. But you know what happens when you get home, you come to this realization that you were really having the greatest time of your life and would love to go back. And so I thought back to what I could remember of my first night in Mormon Country....

I guess a little exposition becomes necessary. I was, for a short while, completely infatuated with a girl whose name rhymes with "Allen." I don't know why (see below pic of hot girl wearing polo cap backwards). But just when things could have gotton serious, I did what so many greats before me have done--freaked as I pictured myself with one person, then made up some BS about how involved I was with school, thus rendering myself incapable of being good for a relationship. Not that I know we could have dated, but it became academic as Falan quickly moved to Utah never to be heard of again.

I love skiing. I wish I were good at skiing. But I predominately wanted to see Falan, hoping, as all bastards oft do, that she would apologize for leaving me in MS, undress, and make love to me on the snowcapped vestibules of a temple of Joseph Smith.

Not happening. But we did the next best thing--we drank heavily and passed out next to each other in a Super 8 . Details of our first night are few and far between. "port-o-call" was a fun bar, we had some drinks, it closed at 1, we went home. Many thanks to the Buckster and Lenwa, who continued buying shots when our livers screamed "No More!"

Before we went to bed Buckster did chastise Lenwa for being the only dude who doesn't care if another dude hooks up or not. Buckster also offered up the entire hotel room should I become unexpectedly successful in my quest for "mormon love." Though the gesture was sincere, it proved unnecessary--she did sleep, but Buckster and I were at some point early the next morning, left to snore alone (tears). I couldnt help but feel like Tangy, yet there was still time.

2005-03-22T14:00:00.000-05:00

We are surrounded by "Temples of Joseph Smith"

2005-03-22T13:57:00.000-05:00

Buckster on skies? Are you F@#$&^% me?

2005-03-22T13:55:00.000-05:00

Falan wanted to holla at her peeps back in C-town.

2005-03-22T13:54:00.000-05:00

Too much to drink already, thew?

2005-03-22T13:52:00.000-05:00

All was quiet @ Evers Airport. We'll Call it the Calm before the storm

Weekend Review in Pictures

2005-03-15T16:37:00.000-05:00

Here are a few pics from our trip to the coast this weekend. Yes Chandler and that guy playing the guitar wore the same shirt, and yes he did pass out at 10:30 @ the bar we were at. Some Bachelorette party took pictures with him after I told them he was narcyleptic. Clicking the picture should get you a bigger picture. Good times.