WitterOn

NBC's Heroes Leads Comeback for the Network

2006-12-30T00:58:00.000-05:00

No. I dont read the Neilson ratings. But judging on the recent success of Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy, I had to think ABC has had their way witht he other networks these past couple of years.

And with CSI and the NFL driving CBS, NBC coold ill-afford to leave law and order by its lonesome, though NBC's comedies are killer. see Earl and The Office. Still, Friends is long gone. I knew the network heads were looking for something to counter grey's success, so they birth Conviction in the spring--which I liked. It was sort of a grey's with prosecutorial lawyers. Of course, they ran it on friday nights and it was destined to fail. And it did.

But they came hard with their fall line-up. And I have really enjoyed Heroes and Friday Night Lights. They finally jumped back into televising the NFL which has been a huge success. Madden+Flex Schedules equals serious viewers. Even better, NBC.com is streaming all of the Heroes and Friday Night Light Episodes from the fall during the next couple of weeks. Check it out. And have a happy new year.

Day 1.75 of Spring Break Cont'd: Embarkation

2006-03-24T11:05:00.000-05:00

We had heard the warnings from previous carnival patrons:

"Embarkation is a long and difficult process. You start to feel like your at Six Flags with all the lines. Just be ready."

So for those of you still following at home, we did what any other dude faced with such a daunting task would have done--we got liquored up just beforehand.

What followed our alcohol comsumption was an insatiable desire to scream "hey girl" at every passing female between the ages of 14 (give or take) and 36. At the loading dock. In line. In stairwells. Every single one. And there were a lot of families, which meant that you were pissing off alot of dads in the process. Not that any of us cared, but we probably could have toned it down a little.

Lassiter thought it may be better if his compadres devised a plan so as to not tip off the innocent young women or there huge dad in the process of cat calling.

(1) IPODS ON- Everybody must put there Ipods on and do an abridged version of the dirty swivel so it looks like you are only interested in the next line Nate Dogg is about to sing, and not on the young lady who is coming back down the row to your left. Beboping to an Ipod is like talking on your cell phone as you enter a college football game...no security guard is going to be rude enough to break up your conversation just to see if you have a couple of pints of whiskey down your pants. By the same ticket, no dad is going to cold-cock you in the middle of the embarkation line for checking out his daughter...he wouldn't dare interrupt you as you enjoy eminem asking everyone to "shake that ass" for him.

(2) WE MUST GO STEALTH UNTIL WE GET ONTO BOAT- Secondly, the Hey Girl/YG code should probably be implemented, with a few variances. Once this boat ships off, our margin of error goes up considerably. Let us discuss the different levels of girls you hope to scope.

(A) HGWMG -the ideally spotted girl during embarkation. The "HEY GIRL, with more Girls." Because there is safety in numbers, as we all know. Its also a dead give away that they are on a spring break trip and want to party. So far, these sightings had been few and far between.
(B) HGWOD-A lesser desired spotting. The "HEY GIRL, with other dudes." But the team couldnt possibly be that down after catching one of these lovely ladies. Why, you ask? Because those dudes are not as cool as us, and they look like they might just be brothers. You gotta Keep the faith.
(C) HGWF- The least desirable, but certainly not a bad sighting at this point in the trip. The HEY GIRL with Family. We had seen alot of these girls thus far, which certainly didnt bode well for the week.

(END LASSITER DIRECTIONS FOR SUCCESSFUL EMBARKATION)

Still in good spirits despite a multitude of HGWF's, we obtained our sign and sail cards and walked up the ramp towards the hull of our ship. What better time to start a BCRB...but despite our jubilance a shadow of questions still loom.

Could it be just us and a thousand or so families? Is this a trap--did Chandler paln this trip seeking to get us each arrested for statutory rape? Where is the f'ing bathroom? Stay tuned, as all these questions, and a whole lot more, will soon be answered...

Can WitterOn Continue?

2006-02-10T16:20:00.000-05:00

It has been a long time since I've posted on my own blog. But I feel the need to breathe some life back into WitterOn. i doubt I'll post everyday, but I rarely keep a journal so this is a pretty good way to vent, think, etc.

Feel free to comment if you'd like, but this blog is really a way for me to archive my thoughts, and its pretty cool to go back and see what your feelings were about an event or situation that happened long ago.

I kind of feel like a blog is too self-serving--Like anyone cares what I think, but all though i struggle with that, I want to write something, so I will.

If there were a "Dude" Blog....

2005-06-15T10:53:00.000-05:00

Would people post? At the advice of snyder, I am thinking about creating one, and giving the password to create posts to everyone i deem a dude.

Who thinks this could work? Lays blog would continue, but those of us who cant blog daily could consolidate...

Suggestions?

"If that's moving up, then I'm moving out."

2005-05-16T00:17:00.000-05:00

Thew is gone. My stuff has been tucked away to storage, and I am living in my parents' house for the first time in three years--a pretty serious lifestyle hit, even if it is only for two weeks.

But there is a couple of life lessons to be learned here, kids. #1 Don't move in with someone who may be getting married in the near future and plans to live in the house you are currently occupying. #2 If you should find yourself in that unenviable position, don't wait till finals to begin calling realtors (P.S. when you find yourself answering the guy's "when do you want to move in" question with, "How bout tomorrow?" Yeah, thats usually not going to work out, either.").

But all is not lost. Lakeridge is the best neighborhood to jog around in all of clinton, and the food is a little better at home. And for those of you who are worried about the dudes not being able to congregate anymore--Thew and I will have a new place at the 1st of the month. Which means we can late night after Lay's wedding there. Hey Yo!

The Facebook goes Baptist!

2005-04-29T13:12:00.000-05:00

That's right, doubters. Thanks to the single handed hard work of yours truly--all those with a valid Miss College email may now become apart of the craze that is THE FACEBOOK.

Who will be my friend?

Just Another Reminder...

2005-04-25T14:47:00.000-05:00

of how old we all are.

My beautiful sister Emily will be graduating from high school in less than a month. She is pictured here corraling the family dog--the ancient, incomparable bear.

My sister will complain that this isnt a good photo--i think its funny since neither one of use seem to be able to keep our mouths closed for a picture. Great picture of Bear this is the most attentive he's looked in a decade.

Finals Loom; Futures Hang in the Balance

2005-04-25T14:07:00.000-05:00

For most everyone, a closed-book law school final would prove too stressful. In a final, a professor has free reign to ask anything about any concept that may or may not have been covered sometime during the semester and your are supposed to apply principles of law to the given factual representations set forth in a disastrously long hypothetical which makes this intentionally wordy sentence look like "see spot run."

The task becomes increasingly difficult when you have absolutely no idea what the professor is talking about. You begin to look back at those thursday nights at Cozumel or that 2:00 in the morning jaunt to the casinos, those hours of watching reruns of Head of the Class--in short, you begin to question the very things that made you the person you are today (just kidding, meddling parents).

Your flashbacks embody the sad, wasteful behavior that, at least in theory, should have left you once you graduated from college. Now you are supposed to act with a certain level of responsibility and restrain yourself from spending three hours checking out college girls at the healthplex, or playin ping pong uninvited at chucktarlos'.

In the back of your mind, you believe you've come back with a vengeance in the last couple of weeks leading up to the exam, that youve learned everything that was expected of you during the semester, that you may somehow pull an "A" out of this particular course.

But deep inside you know better, your intelligence is trumped by months of unprecedented laziness masquerading as "inattentiveness" in class, and "boredom" that leads you to putting away your casebooks while watching the news at home. Your GPA is a slow-motion train wreck, and its costing you thousands of dollars in future earnings.

Then you think back to skiing in Utah, the Coast Trip, shimmels, sunday night 3 dollar movies, bransen, running out of gas on the way to atlanta, super bowl parties, blogging disagreements, southpark/chappelle wednesday nights, softball tourneys, 80s bands @ left field lounge, the boom boom, valentines dinners, countless televised college bball games during the month of march, and mayors trophy losses capped off with too many hot wings.

Then you smile with no regrets, and begin to write.

Thanks for an awesome semester, everybody. May this summer be even better.

Law School Team Reaches MC Soccer Intramural Final.

2005-04-19T10:14:00.000-05:00

That's right. A bunch of Old Men (including myself) have torn through the undergrad tournament and will play in the finals tonight at 10:00 o'clock at MC. The intramural field is on the south side of the MC baseball and football fields--anybody who will come in support is welcome. The undergrad teams always have a great following--i told my teammates I have friends in the area (neglected to tell them all my friends are male)--they don't believe me.

Anyway, wish me luck. I hope to play like the great John Miller.

Rest in Peace, Sam.

2005-04-18T17:27:00.000-05:00

I have just found out that sam mills (aka, the field mouse)--the smallest all-pro linebacker in NFL history has lost his battle with intestinal cancer today. He died at the age of 45.

Sam was the heart and soul of late 80's and early 90's linebacking core known as the "dome patrol." They were so good, we were able to win with Vaughn Dunbar and Steve Walsh leading the Saints offense.

But while considering his heroics on the field, Sam was as hard working and dedicated to fatherhood and coaching off the field.

I remember meeting him in New Orleans when I was in high school--as genuinely nice as they come, signing autographs until his hand cramped. He truly was a light in what has been a dismally dark history for the saints franchise, and will be missed dearly by the Saints family.

Arrested Development: The Funniest Show on Television

2005-04-18T16:37:00.000-05:00

I dont quite remember how our viewing of Arrested Development began some 2 weeks ago, but Hunter, Thew, and myself have since watched every episode from the first season. It used to share Desperate Housewives timeslot, but now airs at 7:30 cst on Sunday evenings. But might I suggest that everyone rent the DVD's and enjoy the episodes in their entirety, and back to back. The writing is so fast, I can see where it might be seriously undermined by commercial interruptions, phone conversations, bathroom trips, etc.

Jason Bateman plays Michael Bluth, whose father has built low-quality manufactured homes in Iraq, and has since been arrested for fraud, treason, etc. Now Michael must run the family and the family business, both of which are as dysfunctional as they come.

All I ask is that you go rent part of the 1st season. It doesnt really matter which part you pick up, the writers do an incredible job of rehashing previous episodes and episodic character re-development. But chronology will help as you try to catch every joke. You can find out everything you wanna know about the show by clicking the link above.

Despite Late Heroics from the Buckster, The Dudes Fall 18-13 in softball opener.

2005-04-15T12:00:00.000-05:00

When you bring the dudes and some law school rats together a few things come to mind. Among them, lack of women,excessive boozing, and quite a few zealous rounds of heyooooo's. But only one of those trends held true last night--and Ill let you guess which one that was (it rhymes with yack of women).

There just wasnt a whole lot to heyoo about other than buckster's timely hitting and baserunning, and cray's fielding prowess. But the next game could be a whole different story...

Our jockeying for seeding continues tonight with another opening round matchup @ 5:00. The weather is nice, be sure to come and support.

Once seeding is established the double elimination round begins tonight @ 7:30. We will either play again at 7:30, 8:30, or 9:30. What it all boils down to is a night of beautiful weather, sec baseball on the radio, halter-tops, puppies, and mediocre softball. Dont miss it.

All are welcome, all are welcome.

MC INTRAMURAL SOFTBALL

2005-04-12T20:40:00.000-05:00

Eric Toney and yours truly have decided to join the undergrad's softball tourney--thurs. night, friday, and saturday.

Let me know if you have any affiliation (working out at the healthplex is good enough) with MC and are interested in playing...

JLASS

For you Naysayers about Jackson Women...

2005-04-12T16:01:00.000-05:00

you need only come up to Banner Hall on weekday afternoons.

Not only does Broad Street have great coffee and the whole building have wireless internet access, but the women that frequent this boutique called Fetish and Barnett's Salon might leave you with some questions:

Question #1: What the hell are all these women (and we are talking 50 a day, seriously) do on the weekends?

Answer: Probably make sweet, "barry white" love with their rich husbands.

Question #2: Ok. Well what about 30 minutes from now?

Answer: Going home to make love to Paolo, the hispanic american the rich husband is paying to clean the family pool.

Question #3: What about the girls with the JA uniforms on?

Answer: Come on, Lassiter.

No matter. I should be studying anyway. Evening, Bitches!

Joe Horn Plays In Miss. College School of Law Golf Tournament

2005-04-08T21:45:00.000-05:00

Though I am already in Branson, I have learned that Joe Horn played in the Mississippi College School of Law golf Tournament at Lake Caroline.

Also, State wins, Ole Miss loses--and I'm going to check out the best showchoir in the nation tomorrow--not a bad weekend thus far.

2005-04-06T15:12:00.000-05:00

Ah...Memories. You are beautiful, Josh Kyle.

The Dudes in Utah, Chapter 2: "Where do all the high school girls hang out around here?

2005-04-02T00:58:00.000-05:00

I never liked the idea that airlines started serving pretzels in leiu of peanuts. So it wasnt much compensation when the ever-helpful stewardess offered cray and I two extra packs of pretzels. If she really liked us she'd quit charging 5 dollars for a shot of jack daniels. No matter, I think back to the great state of Utah.

Maybe it was Nic Coughlin or Chandler who told me that the number of women in Provo was almost disturbing--when considering that you have been sitting in the corner of fenians for most of your young adult life convincing yourself that the bartender is actually pretty good looking. It didnt take long before I was also convinced--girls walk down the street in the middle of the night in provo. It never fails, you will be sitting in your rental (the impala) at a stop light and five girls listening to Richard Marx with the window down and it snowing--only in Provo, right.

Its hard to Imagine, but despite the favorable guy to girl ratio in this city, we still had some trouble picking up women. So we did what every desparate group of twenty something dudes does when we cant get anybody to hang out with us. We spent a day in Provo University Mall. After a chicken sandwich and SWEET tea from Chickfila, we started the mission. I retrospect, it probably looked pretty freakish, 6 dudes who have suddenly been hit with the desire to shop at 1:30 in the afternoon on tuesday. But this was cant miss and spirits were high as we watched girl after girl pass by. And then the Buckster started not 5 minutes after lunch.

(Buckster voice) "I cant f****** believe that I am walking around this mall."
Me-"Buckster, this is why we rented two cars, so you can leave whenever you please"
(Buck)"its still (place gratutious expletive here) stupid."

After a while, I tended to agree. Most of these girls, even at 19 and twenty, were married, and well on their way to accomplishing their mormon woman objective--rearing about 6 blond-headed kids. I walked into a claires to talk to this one girl who said she couldnt go out with us on this particular night because she was going country western line dancing as a local provo "club" that didnt serve alcohol. I, again, wasnt ready for that TYPE of commitment, despite my known line-dancing prowess.

None of us had enough balls to talk to Mrs. Verizon Wireless--this girl makes Jennifer Gardner look like the sledgehammer--quite possibly the worst decision of my life. We left dejected, but stay tuned our week would soon take a turn for the better.

BennyMac in Action

2005-04-01T23:50:00.000-05:00

Bennymac has taken it to another level over the past few weeks...I give you one pic from his various nights of debauchery.

The beauty of this picture is that I picked up the two guys who hooked up that night with one shot. Note Josh Kyle's smirk.

The Dudes in Utah, Chapter 1--"Daddy loves Jack and Diet"

2005-03-30T14:55:00.000-05:00

Chandler's voice echoed from row 16 of coach. The stewardess was now only partly amused. It had become a familiar and tired line when interjected for the fifth time in the past hour. Yes, he and thew, with much thanks to the altitude and a whiskey distillery deep in the heart of Tennessee, had become quite drunk. Not "sloppy, Lil' Lum on a football weekend in oxford" drunk, but drunk nonetheless.

I felt the need to catch up, but was engrossed by the other John Lassiter's (spelled Lassetter, but we'll forgive him) newest animated success, the Incredibles. Cray, as "airplane skinny" as I'd ever seen him, was jostling through his thousands of song on his I-pod, which I only assumed Chandler had purchased for him before we left for utah, probably to make amends for some spat they had over who used the last of the toothpaste weeks ago. I couldn't hear buck snoring from about ten rows back which was unusual. I instantaneously thought him to be dead.

"Might as well check on him, I have to go to the bathroom anyway," I thought.

So i did. And there Buckster was, not only alive, but conscious, and smiling. Chandler's plan had indeed backfired. Though his prearranged seating designation had successfully pushed the Buckster away from the four of us so that we could sleep should we want to--a plan that had worked to perfection on the way to Utah, buckster having not showered or slept the night before, had easily disturbed his seat partners so much that they opted to sit next to smelly old guys and screaming babies instead-- Buckster now was sitting by a beautiful, petite sorority girl from Montgomery.

I couldnt avoid his excited gaze, "LASSITER. Your shoes are G-A-Y." snickers from a handful of the Cabin followed, including the lovely broad anchoring the aisle seat to his right. He wasnt entirely wrong, as I was sporting my new checkered Vans, a forgotten 80's staple which Hunter and I are trying to bring back.

"Real funny, Buckster. Just dont eat your seat partner like you did on our connector flight." It was the best I could come back with--a bit harsh, but trust me, mild for some of the shit that was spewed on this trip.

I relieved myself and returned to my seat and began to get that feeling you get when you know you've been living a really cool life that has to come to an end. My trips are formulaic, they begin as good-intentioned dunkfests--making the most of every given opportunity, minimal sleeping, etc. But then you have regrets. That day you spent hitting on every girl in the Provo Mall, not going out to Salt Lake City on Tuesday Night. Even feeling like youd rather be at home. But you know what happens when you get home, you come to this realization that you were really having the greatest time of your life and would love to go back. And so I thought back to what I could remember of my first night in Mormon Country....

I guess a little exposition becomes necessary. I was, for a short while, completely infatuated with a girl whose name rhymes with "Allen." I don't know why (see below pic of hot girl wearing polo cap backwards). But just when things could have gotton serious, I did what so many greats before me have done--freaked as I pictured myself with one person, then made up some BS about how involved I was with school, thus rendering myself incapable of being good for a relationship. Not that I know we could have dated, but it became academic as Falan quickly moved to Utah never to be heard of again.

I love skiing. I wish I were good at skiing. But I predominately wanted to see Falan, hoping, as all bastards oft do, that she would apologize for leaving me in MS, undress, and make love to me on the snowcapped vestibules of a temple of Joseph Smith.

Not happening. But we did the next best thing--we drank heavily and passed out next to each other in a Super 8 . Details of our first night are few and far between. "port-o-call" was a fun bar, we had some drinks, it closed at 1, we went home. Many thanks to the Buckster and Lenwa, who continued buying shots when our livers screamed "No More!"

Before we went to bed Buckster did chastise Lenwa for being the only dude who doesn't care if another dude hooks up or not. Buckster also offered up the entire hotel room should I become unexpectedly successful in my quest for "mormon love." Though the gesture was sincere, it proved unnecessary--she did sleep, but Buckster and I were at some point early the next morning, left to snore alone (tears). I couldnt help but feel like Tangy, yet there was still time.

2005-03-22T14:00:00.000-05:00

We are surrounded by "Temples of Joseph Smith"

2005-03-22T13:57:00.000-05:00

Buckster on skies? Are you F@#$&^% me?

2005-03-22T13:55:00.000-05:00

Falan wanted to holla at her peeps back in C-town.

2005-03-22T13:54:00.000-05:00

Too much to drink already, thew?

2005-03-22T13:52:00.000-05:00

All was quiet @ Evers Airport. We'll Call it the Calm before the storm

Weekend Review in Pictures

2005-03-15T16:37:00.000-05:00

Here are a few pics from our trip to the coast this weekend. Yes Chandler and that guy playing the guitar wore the same shirt, and yes he did pass out at 10:30 @ the bar we were at. Some Bachelorette party took pictures with him after I told them he was narcyleptic. Clicking the picture should get you a bigger picture. Good times.

Think Your Bracket is Best?

2005-03-13T21:26:00.000-05:00

Stop the Madness

Prove it. Join "The Dudes Pick'em." I did it through yahoo because its really easy to set up...just do this link and register, is takes five seconds.

Our group Id is #49498
The password is: lassiteriscool

No money will be exchanging hands (so you can play, Cray and Tangy), this is just for fun and bragging rights. All are welcome to join. If you already are a member of a yahoo group, you can join more than one.

Dude Bill #001

2005-03-09T19:18:00.000-05:00

WHEREAS: Compulsive emailing is a deginerative disease which attacks the very sense of those that are unfortunate enough to be infected, losing all ability to rationalize that some people may not want to take a survey that ask what your favorite Hall and Oates song is (its She's Gone, by the way).

WHEREAS: I hate email, unless its from somebody I haven't seen in over a week and he or she has taken the time to send me a personalized email (or it happens to be the first email I have ever recieved from a sister of a dude whose name rhymes with flairoline--it can even be a forward--in fact you can diregard this entire post.)

WHEREAS: I continue to report FWD:'s from Melissa, Pigott, and Josh Kyle as spam to AOL, but fear if I block their entire accounts that the two aforementioned who live out of town might actually send me a personalized email, and this email will hopefully not berate me for anything I've posted on my blog.

WHEREAS: Its much more kosher to subject others to stupid shit on a blog, because those reading have opted to come to the worthless information, instead of forcing violating chain "make a wish" emails on others--emails that claim you will lose your left testicle if you dont forward this to three more people who also value their left testicle, so then you have to run a quick risk-loss analysis and decide that even though the chances of you actually losing your left testicle as a result of not sending this email are pretty remote, you have enough bad karma already so then you have to send the email to three buddies and hate yourself for 2 months.

Therefore: Let it be enacted on this day, March 9, 2005, that people who send forwards to John Lassiter (even if the subject line reads "You really have to read this" or "SO FUNNY, I promise" or "What Would the Frenchman do") either start a blog entitled These are the Stupid Forwards I Would Send You Except I Decided Not to Suck Anymore or be banned from the internet for all of eternity.

Bill Presented by: John M. Lassiter, Dude Representative since 1997

And you thought Michael Strong in Thailand was a little sketchy...

2005-03-08T19:07:00.000-05:00

Well check out how this guy is making his cheese. This is an urgent read if you are an animal lover. It's Easter, Save Toby!

I am writing a Paper for the next couple of Days.

2005-03-06T19:01:00.000-05:00

Check back Wednesday for an Update.

* My apologies for not pushing you towards better reading than you would ever find here. If you have a moment, check out my buddies' blogs--they are on the links on the right side of this page.

As a caveat, things can get kind of crazyin some of the comment strings,, so let this be your WORK WARNING.

WitterOn's Dating Service: Bachelor # 1

2005-03-04T23:24:00.000-05:00

Let him eat cake!

One of my best friends in all the world, Gregory Pigott (aka Rod Barnes, as Flanagan always used to call him) was found tailgating before an LSU women's basketball game. I know, how stupid is that!?!

Once, I made the mistake of asking Pigott why he was so enthralled by women's athletics. After he used the phrase "girl sweat" twice, I tuned him out. 15 minutes later I picked the phone back up and he was still talking about Neisa Johnson and Alabama's 95 women's basketball team. I did what every good friend would do at this point--told him to get a damn life and hung up.

Trust me. Not the first time I've told Pigott that, nor will it be the last.

But I'm sure there are some wonderful women who want to know this guy a little better. The man loves Mary J. Blige, so he's gotta be sensitive. He also says he works out on a regular basis, and is quite the cook. I'm into "at least having a good time," notes Pigott. "That's all that matters, dude." Indeed.

He was a key cog in the state champion 1999 Madison Central football team. He is working on his M.A. in Sports Management, and currently works as LSU intramural director. His intramural coaching prowess is widely known. While at Southern Miss, he coached the Inferno--champs for two years running (and pictured below). Pigott wore a suit to coach during the playoffs. "Gotta look the part," he would tell me.

They went on to compete at the Regional tournament in Starkvegas, and almost made it to Nationals. But Pigott's not one to relish in moral victories--"if they slip on their off-season conditioning, I make em run gassers till they can't stand up. There will not be any Johnathan Sullivan Lardasses on my b-ball team." Point well taken.

Gratuitous Abortion Post

2005-03-04T22:05:00.000-05:00

Because "Life as I Know It" decided to open the abortion debate up just a bit, I wanted to post a small follow-up.

First, allow me to pose the unanswerable question--when does life begin? conception? Viability? The common law recognized some criminal penalties for aborting a fetus after its "quickening"--the fetus' 1st movements.

That having been said, I'd like to know how everyone feels about the "morning after" pill? As you well know, the pill is undergoing heavy opposition from religious and political leaders, and has yet to be approved by the FDA. This is how it works, along with everything else you ever wanted to know about "emergency contraceptives."

Now let's look at how the normal, everyday, run-of-the-mill birth control pill. As I read it, just as it is with the morning after pill, eggs are often fertilized with nowhere to cling to. Christian Fundamentalists, WE ARE KILLING BABIES!

All the information you need to become versed in contraceptive methodology is at your disposal. Now you must decide for yourself, should be embrace the Roman Catholic belief that contraceptives have no place in modern society, or should we just let people have sex?

The Man Code

2005-03-04T20:55:00.000-05:00

Rules to live by--my apologies if this has already been included in one of Melissa's many forwards.

Some of you might find Rule #1 disturbing--but push on, you'll realize you've actually lived by some of them.

A Night at Chucktarlos' (Ode to Chuck): The Quazi-dudes: Volume #1

2005-03-04T16:19:00.000-05:00

Since the Powers that Be (errr... Thew) recently ruled that only Charter members were full-blooded dudes, i have decided to focus on the half-breeds (Cause again, would Cray be able to fulfill his duditorial duties without Chandler's financial backing? Surely you jest!) in another series brought to you exclusively by WitterOn. Without these guys, the organization affectionately, and sometimes resentfully, known as the dudes just wouldn't be what is has become.
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For Chuck, years of perseverance had paid off. Not even a secondary degree from Thew's most-hated institution, M-State, could keep him from becoming an intricate part of the dudes--"so necessary," if you will. So, here the two were, deeply engrossed in a spirited match of the game Chinamen are most passionate about. And as the ping-pong ball clipped the side of the table Thew cried out in what has become a redundant, yet appropriate, phrase--"Geez. You Buckstered me, again."

The scene would seem eerily homoerotic to an outside party, but somewhere behind CantarLos, nestled between a cooler of soured Miller High Life and two large, attentive Golden Labs, Hunter smiles and nods his approval. At the same time,"crowd skinny" Creighton slides through the door speaking to whomever will listen, "no...see, now that he's on house arrest, the Hot-chick is never going to do it with the Yard boy again. But at least Peter Brady is getting some action." In the dining room table on the other side of the door, Lenwa is boring Buckley with his plans of fail-proof financial success--"I can get the land for $3,300 an acre...but you want to clear title so..." In the next room, Critter is kicking my ass in pool as Y101 plays a 3 Doors Down song for the 4th time since I've been here.

Nothing was really special about the night, but good times were had by each dude in attendance. Their collective happiness wasn't wrought through ping-pong or pool(though both are damn, good games), a flat-screen television with digital cable, good food, cold beer, or women (since there were none to be found...damn it.). No. The joy comes from the incomparable hosting skills--the quality and classiness, of the Chucktarlos--the dude that came too late.

So if you see the Chuck out and about over the course of the weekend, buy the man a drink, and let him talk about duck hunting as long as he wants. He's put up with us on a daily basis, whether Thew's the only one of us he really likes or not. Either way, he's earned it (the shish- kebobs are always fantismo).

Heres to you, Chuckles.

Memphis In (April and ) May Lineup Announced...

2005-03-03T18:11:00.000-05:00

and it looks pretty stacked. As for Hip-hop, some guy that where's a band-aid on his face will be on the main stage Saturday night.

Book your hotel rooms for April 29-May 1. And if you like the less crowded scene, I go to the Barbecue Festival later in the month every year.

So I'm thinking about spending a good part of my month in Memphis. Any takers?

The Bachelorette Finale: Proof Women (with the exception of those who read this blog) Suck

2005-03-01T16:19:00.000-05:00

I must say that last night was a two-hour dissappointment. Our young Bachelorette Jen dumped John Paul during the first hour, and told Jerry during the second hour that he would have to wait a couple of months to see if their feelings would last. Still, things were looking up.

And so was the build up that led us to the live hour-long in-studio show. For the 1st 20 minutes, ABC brought back John Paul, who was obviously still shocked that Jen didnt choose him after "all they had been through" during their three weeks together. Try to get past the fact that this guy bought a 56,000 dollar engagement ring for her (did I mention he's 25, thanks, dad!)which made it painfully obvious that he sucks enough already--he actually said last night he had gotten past the "hate" he had in his heart after he was "betrayed" by Jen.

Yeah, dude, you are normal. Newsflash. You tried to get married (or is it 'find true love?')on a gameshow. When asked how he "strategized" during the game he responded, "like Jen and I were the only people on the show. I never even considered this a competition." Whoops.

What the dude really believes is that he is the onlly guy who exists in the world. Want proof? After his rejection, he returned the limo and screamed "your loss." I'm confused. If you really loved her, douchebag, and if she was that great a gal, wouldn't that make it your loss?

He then spent the rest of his 20 minutes repeating over and over that he "had put it all out there" in regards to Jen--and had been rejecting. Welcome to my world, ass.

Meanwhile, my faith was completely restored in the female gender. Jen saw right through John Paul and would surely accept Jerry's proposal. Once they ushered John Paul off, they brought out Jerry with his own ring burning a whole in his inside suit pocket. He modestly proclaimed himself the most nervous guy in america.

The bride-to-be emerged from backstage. May I say that while Jen photographs well, they could have done a little better job with her make-up tonight. Then it all happened so fast. Jerry teasingly inquired, "so...what do you want me to do with this?" As he pulled out the ring. And as abruptly as she she quipped, "I thought we both decided WE'D BE BETTER OFF AS FRIENDS."

What made the whole thing particularly awkward is that Jerry sat as stunned as the rest of America. In addition, Jerry is the most elequent of impromptu speakers. For the past month, as least in front of the cameras, he constantly, yet sincerely, built Jen up every moment they spent hands-clasped. Contrast that to Jen, who remember has had two months to prepare what she's going to say to Jerry, and still managed to feed him only the most tired line in all of history. The same line that I saw a girl use on MTV's Made two nights ago.

My sister reiterated what had been running through my mind for about 2 seconds, "you have got to be kidding me?" And then she added (and after giving it some thought, I would have to agree), "but he is so hot!?!!"

Emily, Jerry is more than hot. Jerry represented the hopes and dreams of many-a- bachelor in our great nation. And we are all left with the stark reality than none of us are going to be good enough, because you people don't even know what good enough is...

The long and short of it is, Jen sucked! She couldn't give a reason, other than "it isn't any one thing. If it's not there, its not there. He knew it wasn't there-- didn't you?"

But give it up for Jerry--he played it perfect. Unlike John Paul, as the audience sat breathlessly mortified by what had (not) transpired, he reasserted, "this is an amazing woman. She showed me that I could love again. And for that I am ever grateful." Hollywood couldn't have done any better, Jerry--you just cemented most eligible bachelor status, and all-but assured your spot on ABC's The Bachelor in the future. However, something tells me Jerry is done with the love roller coaster that is this series--only time will tell.

In the end, yes, she was able to turn down a dude which makes me look like Napoleon D. pre-election day. What are we supposed to do now? Or is that decent females will see the few qualities that lie in each of us?

Video Gaming will Continue

2005-02-26T17:58:00.000-05:00

It was a cold and windy night in the winter of 2000. Outside of Hotel Whittington, the freshmen men's dorm nestled on the south side of MC's quaint campus, fatr away from the praise choruses and games of ultimate frisbee that continuously pervade the quad in the heart of the college, Lassiter was reeling.

My neighbor, the villainous Oooon Kyle, had just beaten me for the fourth time at our newest craze--"Mariokart 64." Not only were our favorite players (toad, princess, and Yoshi--the japanese wonderdragon)all back, but the quad-player feature introduced by Nintendo with the 64 console--you know, the one that made 007 challenge binge drinking as the #1 reason for dropping out of college--could also be used with the newest edition of MarioKart. What ensued was four college students screaming at the top of their lungs--and despite the institution's religious tradition--every expletive known to man filled the dorm's halls.

"You called no cuts. You cheatin' bastard!"--I yelled from my seat on the bed--the seat where the worst player always sat. "I didnt cut, I'm that good!" cried Eric McDonald, just as Oon passed him on the outside for another victory."

And so I bolted from the room, partly pissed off because I had neglected to study for a bible exam I had at 8:00 the next morning, but mostly because Kyle had called it a night and ordered everyone out of his room.

"You can't end the night with your own victory," my interior monologue reasoned. "What kind of person wins the last race and then calls it a night..." And so I watch as Justin Oddinger takes the final drag of his cigarette and a devastating realization washes over me like Tangy's urine on Lay's unsuspecting bedsheets--

"I will not be able to play video games forever. I'm a virgin, I don't drink, and I'm NOT going to be able to play video games forever." Justin and I weren't particularly close, but he tried his best to console me, "That sucks, man. But its alright."

The whole thing did "suck." Only time would tell as to whether I could shed the former two inadequacies, but the video game epiphany was the nail in the proverbial coffin--a complete travesty.

My mother always frowned when I spoke of video games after reaching college age--ss if video games were something that should fall to the wayside after reaching a certain age, i.e. diapers (though some dudes, who will remain nameless--Tang,Lenwa-- could still find these useful), breastfeeding, pop-music, and syndicated "Boy Meets World" episodes (Thank you, Disney).

And so I was getting an early start. Welcoming the maturation process with open arms, I gave up video games. At first it was difficult, almost nightly my dreams recounted the unprecedented combined no-hitter I threw against the late Charlie May in the a game of the original RBI baseball (I always knew Saberhagan was a badass, but everyone always wanted to play with the national league), or my dominance in Fifa 2001--Claudio Lopez' hat trick against Ryan Parker in New Men's only two months prior.

But time eased the pain. and sure I relapsed on occasion. God knows Margarita Mondays at D-Ron's entailed dangerously long sessions of Fifa 2002, and there was always a heated game of NCAA 2003 being played at Flanagan/Martin's pad in the summer of 2002. But it no longer consumed me. My 1st year of Law school, i physically removed my playstation 2 from my apartment, and give it back to my parents--as difficult a decision as Ive ever had to make.

But nothing prepared me for what was coming when I moved into Christopher Lay's house last summer. I dont know exactly how old this guy is, but his gaming has stood the test of time. Take NCAA Football 05, we aren't talking about a two-weeks actually played to 1 year of dynasty mode completed ratio here, folks. No, sir. Lay can play a year of his FSU dynasty, without simulation, in a day and a half. Lay conquered "Killzone" in 5 days. and Lay has--are you ready for this--played an ENTIRE MLB Season on MVP baseball 2005. No I'm not shitting you.

With his accomplishments in mind,I broke bread with my mother at El Sombrero. I began to explain to her how amazing I was at the newest edition of FIFA--how I beat a frenchie from Marseille(not Josh Kyle)4-1 the other night online. That I even let him play with Paris St. Germiane. She asked me that same tired, condescending question--"Will it ever end? Get a life, son."

But I stood up for all of us. "No. Get used to it, Mom. I still eat Lucky Charms and I still play video games. In 2050, they will have video games in every retirement home. I refuse to outgrow something that I like just because people say I should. Look at all the people your age who still smoke pot--and that was never even legal. And stop with the nonsense about me dating. Sure there are girls in this town, but I know them all--from the area churches to the area bars and all Wal-Marts in between. How many of my friends are married that didnt meet while they were in college? There may be a period of young adulthood between college and the working world where I might not date."

Game, set, frikkin' match. I'm going to play SNOOD, bitches (for those of you who might be reading this and have no idea why I would gratuitously used the word "bitches" and have probably never heard of Comedy Central, you may go elsewhere. Don't make people feel like they have to post anonymously. This board tolerates minimal censorship. If you have any questions or feelings on my own maturity or my feelings on life and friendship, feel free to call me on my cell phone at 201-1021.)

The SixPack

2005-02-26T14:48:00.000-05:00

Studying during the day and going out all night is leaving very little time for blogging. But the Bachelorette finale is Monday so expect a complete synopsis of the entire season.

In the meantime, if you are searching for renewed faith that parts of Mississippi State's fanbase aren't complete blinded by their own visions of maroon granduer, check out this message board. Pretty good stuff, and the "Maddog's arse of the day" strings are so very necessary. The board just topped 1500 members.

The Lost Dudes: Volume II--Ode to Flanagan

2005-02-23T13:59:00.000-05:00

Flanagan is the guy Flexin'

Dudes come in many shapes and sizes (see Cray and Buckster), but few have the power to mold a generation of men--to lead them into adulthood without fear of death or any other sort of consequences for their actions.

Even fewer dudes are able to throw unbelievable New Year's Eve/Birthday Parties annually and still convince their parents that going out of town is a great idea the year after.

Still fewer can make Blaine Oswalt sing BBMak at the top of his lungs, and think he's cool while he's doing it.

and no other dude can buy (with the Hollister's employee discount, no less)and wear a shirt that reads "single and ready to mingle" out to the bar and not go home alone.

I could go on and on. You see, before there was "the Don" (not Bodon, the Don!) as Thew is affectionately known today, the dudes had another leader. And while comparing Flanagan to George Washington or MLK might seem a bit of a reach, Matt was the leader of what today has become much more that a full-fledge assault on all single ladies in the greater Jackson metro area--but a brotherhood that has provided friendships and memories that I never deserved.

In a comment below, Flanagan speaks of "wishing he'd been a better friend" to many people. Matt, let me be the first to say there have been instances where any of us could have been a better friend to each other. Perhaps Flanagan blames himself for instigating some of our less honorable behaviours...but I've always looked at it as simply hastening the inevitable plunge into complete debauchery.

Anyway, the great thing about friendship is that statements (or in this case, a regret) like Matt's speak of the past, and what was. However, true friendship perseveres and God-willing, we all will have opportunity in coming years, as we go in different directions and accomplish our own goals, to be better friends to one another.

In the interim, the legacy Matt left some time ago lives on. Yes, in many ways, things have changed, we all have changed--but here's hoping what continues to make "the dudes" so special, stays just the same.

Now wipe your tears and go get F****** married (see Blaine, Hamptonite, etc.) or for pete's sake, at least date (See Ooon, James, Thew errr...Chandler--sorta).

And surely there are memories of the Flanagans, New Year's Eve Parties, church basketball, high school football, and Destin Trips (WHAT DID FIVE FINGERS SAY TO THE FACE?....), so let's get a little discussion going.

Treadway turns the big 24

2005-02-23T13:52:00.000-05:00

Ok. It is no longer Jim's Birthday. Its Treadway's. Happy Birthday, Treadway.

May JJ Redick drop 40 on the poor bastards who attempt to deny him the ball. Kiss the Mrs.'s for me, too. Hope things are good in Durham.h

Go Jim, Its ya Birfday

2005-02-18T13:31:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday, Jim. And it falls on a Friday(Let's Get it Started blaring in background)--coincidence, I think not. I hope your day is like "Prince served us pancakes" cool.

Alex Was Sorely Dissappointed Last Night...

2005-02-18T13:12:00.000-05:00

when none of the dudes showed up at the Cozumel. I told him Buck would rather play cards and that Cray had to be at work by 1:00 pm today.

As for the rest of you, what's your story? We were forced to hang out with The Donnas (which was nice) and the Calverts. Oh, and Swalm. Anyway, just pray that Cozumel is still in business next tursday night when you are thirsty for a 99 cent brew...and use this opportunity to think about what you've done

Attache Victory Garners Award for YG Hopeful

2005-02-16T16:01:00.000-05:00

The nationally reknown Attache' Showchoir, behind the leadership of WitterOn's YG hopeful of the month, Caroline Lenoir, won their first competition of the 2006 season over the weekend.

Reliable sources tell WitterOn that Attache' swept the award ceremony--taking home best vocals, best choreography, best opener, and best pit. The showchior competition was held in a suburb of St. Louis, Missouri, and despite rumors to the contrary, was not sponsored by Anheiser-Busch.

Caroline, 17, is an avid lover of dogs, guys named Andrew (easy, Gertig), and fine jewelry. Her love for the latter might have something to do with the experience she has gained working in her father's local jewelry store (see pic).

As of right now, she plans to attend Mississippi College in the fall (Scalp 'em Chocs--Josh Kyle). Also, Caroline was robbed in last month's Clinton High School beauty and Beau pageant. Someone close to the scene called the night's events a complete "travishimocary."

Just when you dudes thought you had nothing in common with young Caroline, she also loves Mary Kate and Ashley Olson. As Paris and Thew would say, "That's hot."

Some of you might know Caroline as fellow dude Chandler Lenoir's little sister. If I may quote someone really cool, "those are the two most beautiful siblings I know."

Her YG status now hinges on an unanimous dude vote (Chandler must abstain).

The Lost Dudes: Volume #1

2005-02-14T23:53:00.000-05:00

"I can tell I'm home by the way they're drivin', the pace is slow and the air is clear..." God Bless This Town, Marshall Dyllon.
.

Yes, its a far cry from any Absence of Concern lyric, but it was the fame accompanying Marshall Dyllon that took Martin from us--I guess the two bands are anything but mutually exclusive.

Every dude listened to the above song and automatically thought Martin was visualizing us, even though he had absolutely nothing to do with the songwriting on MD's most- anticipated, self-titled debut album.

We oft joke of the dude that brought lines such as "WHEEY DE FEHHH!" and the timeless, "gotta go, fellas. it's beer-thirty and I'm late."

But when push came to shove, not even Martin's alpha-male Flanagan was enough to keep him from following his brother Paul to Nashville. His year and a half taste of the limelight has kept him chasing the "impossible dream" of stardom--a chore that just couldn't be balanced with the time-crunch being a dude entails. And once he met John Dre' and the boys, with their undeniably superior acoustic abilities and spiked hair (though Cray and Chandler have one tooth and nail with those guys as far as hair products are concerned), there was little we could do.

I think I speak for the entire dude nation when I say that I miss Martin. But his continued absence begs the following interior monologue--"Is my own dudedom for life? Can the other dudes vote me out with a simple majority, or must it be unanimous? Must you be an original member to acquire complete dudeness. Did we leave the bylaws at Flanagan's?"

Please, commemorate Martin, and chime in on the questions posed. And stay tuned for another exciting edition of "The Lost Dudes."

Buy or Sell?

2005-02-14T02:11:00.000-05:00

Chandler will be wearing this shirt next weekend.

Feb. 11-13: Weekend In Review

2005-02-13T21:35:00.000-05:00

I spent the meal distracting Nicole while Josh Kyle poured the wine.

HEYOOO

Buck, quit fighting with the girls we know.

See where playiing nice gets you.

The Future of the MS Bar. As scary as that sounds.

Random Musings on Friendship, Character

2005-02-13T20:29:00.000-05:00

Can I preface everything by saying whomever thinks talent and pop culture no longer go hand and hand need only find Alicia Keys and Jamie Foxx's tribute to Ray Charles at tonights grammies? As I think back to the movie Ray, and listen to Alicia belt out the last reprise of If I Aint got you--well, they (Keys and Foxx) are both truly remarkable.

Now I channel to and fro between the Grammy's and the best reality show on television, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. When you watch people cry over the simple things--"We have a fireplace. Oh my God, a dishwasher!" It's the only reality show that chooses to focus on the beauties of the human spirit, and so long as I'm watching tv on sunday nights, I'll tune in every week in support of something like that. Oddly enough, ABC then does a complete 'bout face by showing Desperate Housewives, but I guess if I really thought about it, I'd ascertain the network's real reasons for showing EMHE, too. And we wouldn't want to do that, would we?

But this wasn't meant to be a commentary about primetime television, I'm going another direction. And so I have been thinking about it all, doing the whole pondering-existance thing. You tend to do that when you are house sitting for your parents--with noone to talk to but the family's beloved dog, Bear.

As a caveat, I'm about to get personal. So you don't have to continue reading if you don't want to. We've all been through it--losing grandparents. I owed alot to to both my grandfathers, as I do to the man who has long been my father, Jim Temple. Whether they did it intentionally or not, they showed me what it means to be a man--a person who, among other things, preemptively respects others (the addition of "when they deserve it" might be more accurate.), works hard, does not judge, and loves his family. Though my family is familiar all-too familiar with death, my grandfather's have been very difficult to cope with.

Its been a year and honestly, I continue to fail to do what I know to be right--to treat my own endeavors with ample seriousness, to serve my friends and family, and in what is probably my biggest struggle--to balance my growing education with a continued fear of my creator. I hope that makes sense to ya'll. That's not to say that I have to burn my secular CD's and pour out the Guenoc that's breathing on the counter, but an occassional prayer and a re-instilled faith would do me much good. And faith is something I believe you have to work at--something that will catalyze your success in other walks of life. Its no coincidence that when I have struggled with faith, I have struggled in life. Or that when I am overcome with doubt and anger, my faith continues to win out.

So before we recommence berating each other for our glaring short-comings, feel free to use this thread to encourage those you care about that may frequent my page. My friends add so much to my life, and I am sincerely grateful for the times we have shared, and will contine to share in the future. Aside from being the most enjoyable people in all the world to be around, each of one you deserves the utmost happiness. Let's make sure we hold each other accountable so as to not jeopardize our futures, or forsake those who have worked so hard to put us in positions to succeed. Wishing you all the best.

I have decided to give up blogging for Lent.

2005-02-11T03:27:00.000-05:00

Damnit. Nevermind. Is anyone having better luck with their vices?

Separated By 8 Miles and a Shade of Blue

2005-02-09T23:18:00.000-05:00

And Duke Wins
Duke and UNC renewed the greatest rivalry in college basketball last night. The 8th ranked Blue Devils prevailed over the second ranked Tarheels 71-70. UNC had a opportunity to go ahead but failed to get a shot off in the final 18 seconds. Treadway was able to procure not one, but two of the toughest tickets to get in college sports. Had to have been fun. Tonight, well, it took me back.

I've always felt something special for college basketball. As a kid, I dreamed of playing college ball--socks pulled up to my knees, donning my newest "No Fear" shirt--and never neglecting to slap the floor when playing defense on a basketball court (thats dukie D baby). I memorized the name of every college player at every big time program in America--marveled at Allen Iverson's freshmen heroics at Georgetown, witnessed Mayberry, Day, Miller, and co. lead the Arkansas Razorbacks as they took the newly expanded SEC by storm, and as Scotty Thurman and Corliss Williamson followed up with a national title in '94.

Obviously, the pinnacle for myself as a college basketball fan was State's trip to the '96 Final Four. Led by the 3 point specialist Super D darryl wilson, Mr. "Summer Correspondence Hours" Dontae Jones, and Big Erick Dampier, state somehow beat a Ray Allen led UCONN team, a Danny Fortson led Cincy team, all before succombing to John Wallace's Syracuse Orange(men).

It was quite a year, but only stands as my second favorite sports memory of all time--only because I can see state maybe reaching another final four again in my lifetime. As for my favorite moment, the casual fan may expect a repeat, but it will most likely never happen again. Feel free to share a favorite sports moment, and take a guess at what mine is?

Nice Guys Finish...Fourth

2005-02-07T22:28:00.000-05:00

Timothy Barton (or Wendell, above) failed to get a rose from the "stupid-hot" bachelorette, Jen during tonight's episode. Maybe it had something to do with his persistent grab-assin', or maybe Jen wanted a little more of Wendell's bad side.

"He was just too nice at times; the attraction switch just didn't flip on," Jen attested during the hour of horseshit ABC runs every Monday night at 8:00 central, "I tried to make myself like him. I thought love would blossom. It just didn't."

A week ago, some french guy dropped out of the competition just before Jen could give him the boot. Oh the drama! Word is the Frenchie "surrendered himself" to Jen during episode two, thus finding Jen's favor and punching his ticket all the way to the final four. Young Jen was obviously not a History major. The long and short of it is, Timothy B. and the Frenchie are both gone.

Jen does feel it for two dudes, though. One, a John Paul,
who was in Steven Everett's wedding according to Jerrie Ann, as reliable a source as any I know), and another dude, who I am convinced has made it this far only because Jen can't tell him apart from John Paul, and she doesn't want to accidentally cut JP in a rose ceremony. A dude named Jerry rounds out the final three. He may have the edge--he has a deaf Mom and Flanagan hair. HEY YOOOO!

I can't wait till next week's episode where in a testimonial, Jen tells America she's falling in love with two guys--that's got to be a first for the bachelorette series! My moneys on one of the guys that look like Matt Leinart...

Law School Rears Its Ugly Head

2005-02-07T13:04:00.000-05:00

WitterOn readers,

I'm making love to a casebook today. I hope you all understand. Look for an update tonight.

My Sincerest Apologies,
John M. Lassiter

Cray's Next Tattoo

2005-02-04T15:38:00.000-05:00

For Ryan Creighton Pitts, the search for his next body art begins and ends right here at WitterOn. The Cray has agreed (with Lenwa's permission, of course) to have the tattoo with the most votes from our readers drawn on his body sometime next week. Oh yeah, feel free to continue to make fun of each other, even if you've already voted once. So here it goes:

Should Cray go with Body Art #1, letting everyone know he has absolutely no regrets about his previous tats?

Should Cray give The Intimidator his due and choose tat #2?

Or should Cray get a tattoo of an arrow pointing to his agina-vay like in Tattoo #3?

Its all up to you guys and gals. Also, feel free to provide some links of other stupid or ugly tattoos--we'll consider those write-in votes. If you have yet to see Cray's most recent tattoo, whoever manages this site has, oddly enough, tiled a picture of Cray's tattoo as the site's backdrop. Check it out, and as always, thanks for your help.

The State of Our Nation

2005-02-03T16:06:00.000-05:00

Buy or Sell: More people will watch Fox's American Idol on Tuesday night than will watch all 3 networks' coverage of the State of the Union Address.

No contest, really.

Drudge reported that early indication from Nielson is, last night, more American households tuned into the Fox's 1 hour American Idol episode than the networks' 2 hour State of the Union address. Yes, all three networks, Combined!

Sure some of you people were undoubtably tuned into FoxNews, with their impeccable coverage of all things politico, but this is unbelievable.

It's glorified, frikkin' karoake, people. Our country is pissing off the rest of the world on a daily basis, and you can't even tune in to find out how we're doing it.

Ok, you got me. I didn't watch the address either, but Duke was playing Wake.

It was a damn good game.

p.s.--The young lass at the top tried out in San Fran. See more pics of American Idol auditioneers here.

WTF? Black History Month Edition

2005-02-03T01:07:00.000-05:00

I remember asking myself in grade school, "What does it matter that George Washington Carver thought up some 300 uses for peanuts?"

Let me preface this post by noting I am currently taking a civil rights class in school, and have the utmost respect for the late Martin Luther King Jr., his message, and vision for humanity, as well as the continued movement itself. My friends classify me as a "liberal," among other things. With the Buckster, its almost become a term of endearment, in leiu of his earlier, detestable qualifications--n*****, lover of the same, and the like.

That having been said, admittedly, I have yet to grasp the true significance of George Washington Carver. Was it that he had very little funding, and the peanut was the only plantlife he had in abundance? Or simply that he was a black scientist? The Thew once rebuked the idea of Black History Month as a whole--"Can't we get this done in a week?"

I'm interested in your thoughts, not so much on the astounding work GWC did with so little, and what he means to thousands of disadvantaged students everywhere, but whether or not Black History Month ever was, or continues to be a worthwhile and meaningful endeavor for our great nation. Please, keep it relatively clean. Forum's open.

Keg+Super Bowl=Damn Good Time

2005-02-01T22:21:00.000-05:00

"Thanks for bringing the Keg over, Gertig."

I have been asked to blog an invitation to the Chandler/Cray Super Bowl Party 2005. Rumor has it Anna Benson and the NC State Girls will be there--you should too. For the ladies, Tom Brady is the starting QB for the Pats. Need I say more?

This year's matchup is particularly intriguing. The Philadelphia Eagles haven't won a a Super Bowl since the week after I was born. New England is the NFL's latest version of a dynasty. Should be a dandy!

There will be food, fun, and fellowship. Oh yeah, we are getting a keg, so no bottles to be found. Come as early as you can (the official pregame starts @ 3:00), we want to float this thing.

Ode to Conduct (the remix)

2005-02-01T17:03:00.000-05:00

It's no secret how much "Conduct Unbecoming" has added to the dudes over the past couple of years--from her indescretions in Oxford, to her "best behavior" at MC, and with many pageant victories sprinkled in between.

Yes, she cheats at video Trivial Pursuit, and lives too far away to make it to Cozumel on most Thurs. evenings, but she has her moments. Thank you for being you, Conduct--I hope you aren't catching any communicable diseases right now. Nursing sucks.

DISCLAIMER: We are pretty sure this photo was taken long before either party was dating anyone we deem even remotely important. (Sorry, Will and Megan).

"Africray" Says Enough is Enough

2005-01-28T18:44:00.000-05:00

Riding the spirit of Oon Kyle's latest blog questioning the sexuality of his friends, I have decided to post a picture of a "slightly clothed" male. Actually, this is an opportunity for me to reach out to one of my "slimmer" friends and tell him something very important--that yes, there are people in this country gaining weight everyday.

Grant it, most of them don't want to gain the weight, but the fella who has superimposed his own head on these drastically different bodies has provided those who could stand to gain a few pounds with some instruction at www.musclegaintips.com. It's nothing you probably haven't already heard. But I don't want to downplay the importance of altering your weekend schedule to include less of this with members of the same sex---
because more time is needed for the application of these--

Ok, the "large" part may still be a little ambitious...just trying to help.

Can State's (Mis)Fortunes finally turn around?

2005-01-27T17:39:00.000-05:00

(Pegues and Perriloux)

With National Signing day looming, I have decided to post a quick note or two on a couple of State recruits. Feel free to flame away.

One doesn't have to break down hours of film to fully grasp Mississippi State's ineptitudes as a football program. But despite the team's failures on the field (victorious only 11 times over the past four years), State still remains in "contention" for two of the nation's brightest high school stars--Derke Pegues from South Panola, and Ryan Perriloux from East St. John's High in Reserve, LA.

That's not to say States chances are good. Pegues will visit Oxford this weekend and Ole Miss misses out on South Panola recruits about as much as Melissa Brewer stays up past 9:00 p.m.
Though I didn't have a chance to view the Army All-American game two weeks ago, the consensus after Derick's performance is that Pegues is the most talented cornerback to come out of MS since Terrell Buckley circa 1991. Not bad for a guy who, at quarterback, torched the vaunted Ocean Springs defense for 4 touchdowns in the 5A state title game last December. Pegues will be an instant contributor at the school he chooses, and my guess is that school will be Ole Miss.

State's task looks equally as daunting in regards to Perrilloux, who is also considering Texas, a school he committed to over the summer, and homestate LSU, a university he grew up 40 miles away from and that he visits over the weekend. He is the consensus #1 quarterback in America and most everyone agrees it was quite a coup for him to even visit Starkville last week. When asked about his future plans, Ryan has often replied, "I'm going to shock the (college football) world." If he signed with State it would be more than a shocker, it would send bulldog nation into complete cardiac arrest, and a euphoria State football hasn't experienced since Kevin Prentiss dashed down the sidelines in the 1998 SEC Championship Game. But as realistic a fan as ever, I feel lwith hometown pressure for Tiger faithful, LSU's undeniable recent success on the football field, and the school's stellar facilities (the coonasses have shelled out millions for a habitiat for "Mike the Tiger?" Are you f****** with me?), you gotta think he'll be in purple and gold next fall.

Thoughts on your respective school's recruiting hauls. I know Jimbo's happy.

Where have the NC State girls gone?

2005-01-26T22:27:00.000-05:00

Its been 2 years since these two lovely co-eds from North Carolina State graced every sports message board in America...

I, for one, was pretty smitten. And also somewhat intrigued by the grip each had of their own arse. Here's to you, "bored out your mind at a football game" NCST coeds. Call me.

Our "Real World"

2005-01-26T16:32:00.000-05:00

(MTV.com)

I...as so many before me, am terrified of MTV programming. Not because is sucks and people watch it--that's too easy. Because it sucks, and I still watch it. I can't really pinpoint the exact moment it happened...maybe it was the real world Seattle when Steven bitch-slapped what's her face in front of God and everyone in America. Perhaps somewhere around the inception of the ever-popular TRL, where Carson single-handedly made the word "ass" completely acceptable, and NSync upstaged Backstreet Boys as the "the greatest TRL band...like, in history!"

Yes, I am a fan. You can say one thing about Reality shows, it only takes ten minutes of viewing to completely peg every character, because you've discarded the public niceties that all individuals display. No real financial discrepancies to speak of--people who grace the real world stage are judged by the public on whether they have some merit as people, or as is oft the case, they do not. The painful truth remains that if these people are a true microchosm of my generation, then we really suck.

And so its all out there--acne, tears, venereal disease. But the current series of the Real World may have gone too far. The show had firmly established its recipe for success....token black guy, disporportionate amount of hot girls (w/ slut and complete bitch included), gently stir in homosexual guy, film 4 months, and serve.

The problem with the Philly series is they doubled the homosexual males, and completely neglected to ensure the bitch and slut would be deemed "hot ass" (thanks, Carson). Talent scouts...you're fired.

Come on people, spend a couple of hours in Rankin County, and you got your whole cast of characters. Oh, nevermind, you'll still have to find a black person.

But don't worry, MTV, compared to watching someone get their nose sawed off on "I want a famous Face," Landon hookin' up with every ugly yank in Philly is actually enjoyable. And after years of bainwashing the easily-entertained people from ages 32-12, we'll keep watching, anyway (See Remote Control, The Ashlee Simpson Show, Room Raiders, etc. ).

Thoughts?

WitterOn is Born

2004-12-25T01:35:00.000-05:00

I admit, the birth of Lassiter's own Blog may be somewhat premature. But Blogmania is sweeping the world...and I've never been one to miss a party.

As a second-year law student, one tirelessly searches for ways to waste time. Recently, I have found myself much more preoccupied with legal thoery than I care to admit--hence, the blog.

Visitors, make no mistake, this blog has no true direction. I hope that anyone who has a take on a posted topic will feel free to delve into the discussion and enlighten the rest of the free-thinking world.

The subject-matter of this site will be opinions and reports predominately pertaining to sports, movies, and music. Above all, I hope WitterOn will serve as a place where friends and others can discuss and berate one anothers stupidity. I feel enough blogs have been devoted to the incurable world of politics, but as a caveat, some political news remain so pertinent that it will grace the board.

Thanks for visiting and check back daily (or more often) for updates.